Gents first - not ladies first
Interesting title, isn’t it? Catches one’s attention doesn’t it? Almost like clickbait. Well, I chose it because it represents a callous and demeaning truth in Sri Lanka. What am I talking about? Simply, the way that many aspects of our culture are still stuck in Victorian times and this kind of thinking extends deeply into hospitality as well. The issue I am going to talk about is something we really need to fix, and, the sooner the better!
Let me relate the most recent of countless examples of this phenomenon. My wife and I go to a well-known head and foot massage place in Colombo 5. The place in question is a respectable one, and we’ve been going there for years. On this occasion, my wife and I stopped by for a foot massage as a little indulgence on the night before a big moment in our lives - the impending birth of our baby girl. Call it a celebration of a last sleep-filled night before countless sleepless ones ahead - if you will.
A member of staff quickly seated us in clean and comfortable recliners and handed me – yes me – an iPad with the menu. Naturally, I gave the iPad to my wife, so that she could pick her preference. Once she was done, she handed it back to me and I made my choice. The staff member then asked me what we would like. My wife responded with what she wanted, and I followed with my choice. The rest of the session went well as there wasn’t really much communication involved. Granted, our feet were happy after the massage, but our minds were a bit disconcerted Surely, they must be getting female patrons too, so how do they communicate with them? Demand a male chaperone or by sign language or carrier pigeon?
Why is it in Sri Lanka that when a man and a woman go to a place of business, 90% of the time, the staff will address the man, disregarding the woman as if she is a mere decorative piece of equipment? My wife has often found this kind of behaviour to be demeaning at the very least, as have most of my female friends. I’ve heard that even in major Indian cities, this mindset is disappearing. However, in Sri Lanka, this outdated mindset widely prevails, and is often most prominent when asking for the bill or cheque, such as in a restaurant. In this instance, the shiny folder containing the bill almost always lands in front of me, even if my wife was the one to call for it. Just for a lark, I hand it back to her in front of the waiter, and she places her card (which is linked to our joint account), inside the folder. In some cases, you can actually see the confusion on the waiter’s face – a situation which I thoroughly enjoy, I must confess. I have very little tolerance when it comes to outdated or irrational beliefs.
There have been times that we have gone to a bank, where we both maintain accounts to inquire about joint matters and the staffs have addressed me, even when my wife has been the one to ask a question. I’ve been to hotels where Managers with shiny nametags and clad in immaculately pressed suits have asked me if my stay was to my satisfaction and if there was anything I could think of that needed improving. This was despite the presence of my wife, standing beside me.
I firmly believe that this is something that needs to be addressed at the highest possible levels. It is a space for reflection, and the first step is to acknowledge that the issue exists. It exists because for most of history, women were treated as property. They couldn't have jobs, couldn't have bank accounts, and couldn’t own property and so on. And that misogyny has seeped so deeply into the fabric of humanity that it is automatically assumed that the man will pay. In fact, my dad tells me that in fine dining, he was trained to always give the check to the man. That was five decades ago. We are still training employees using the ideals put in place when women were property. It is patriarchy at its worst.
Sri Lankan hotels, restaurants, bars, wellness centres, recreational venues and business establishments need to wake up and realize that they need to treat men and women equally, especially when they walk in as a couple. Because in many cases, the woman might actually be the one paying for the products and services availed of – so what if she decides to walk away and spend her money elsewhere? You’ll not only lose business, you’ll get an absolute stinker of a review on social media – and in many cases it won’t be just her, but her husband as well, who spreads the word.
Ashraaq Wahab - Director of Sales & Marketing and Technical Hospitality Sri Lanka, Automotive Journalist, Marketer, Photographer and Writer, who enjoys penning his thoughts, insights and ideas on a variety of topics.
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