Behaviours that reveal everything about class
I recently read an article written by Adam Skelton where a stewardess described how she learnt to differentiate between passengers who had real class and those who just had no class (including the ones who carried a first-class ticket), through experiencing real life situations during her twelve years of flying. Prior to flying, she spent years in luxury hospitality serving ultra-wealthy families at high-end resorts. That background taught her the difference between people who have class and people who just have money. Interestingly, what she says can well apply to the behaviour of people in restaurants too.
Here are some excerpts (in italics) of her characterisations in that article:-
How they treat the crew reveals their true character:
She’s encountered passengers who snapped their fingers at her like she was their dog. But she’s also had passengers learn my name, ask about my day, and treat me like an actual human being. She goes on to say “There’s this phenomenon I noticed working in luxury resorts too. The people who'd actually earned their wealth through building businesses? They were usually the most understanding when something went wrong. The ones who married into money or inherited it? Different story entirely”.
Yes, long gone are the days when a snap of the fingers from the customer and the waiter comes running, ready to serve. You may have seen this work on the silver screen, but it will not get you favorable service in the real world. Waiters (referred to as servers nowadays), consider it poor etiquette to be snapped at with either words or fingers. What do servers expect from diners? This may sound familiar, but respect, not snobbery, is on the top of the list. Make requests with a friendly tone. Barking orders at your server is no way to get what you want.
They don't need to announce their status "Do you know who I am?":
The people who feel compelled to announce their importance usually aren't that important. Real power whispers, it doesn't shout. I once had a passenger who missed his connection due to weather delays. While others were screaming about their crucial meetings, he quietly asked if there was anything available on the next flight. Turned out he was heading to accept a Nobel Prize. He never mentioned it. I only found out weeks later from a colleague who recognized him in a newspaper.
I so hope that urban legend was true of that man at the airport pulling that "Do you know who I am?" stunt and the lady at the counter getting on the PA to announce "Attention everyone please, there is a man at the counter who does not know who he is. If anyone could help identify him I'm sure he'd be most appreciative."
How they handle delays shows emotional intelligence:
“Flights get delayed. It's annoying, inconvenient, and sometimes costly. But watch how people react to these situations and you'll learn everything about their emotional maturity. The people with real class? They adapt. They understand that losing their mind won't make the plane leave any faster. The ones who act like a two-hour delay is a personal attack orchestrated specifically to ruin their life. They yell at gate agents who have zero control over weather patterns or technical glitches. They demand compensation before we've even figured out what's happening. In my experience, the people who handle chaos with grace are the same ones who handle success with humility.
I’ve seen this happen in restaurants, where some choose to remain civil without causing a scene over a problem with their food, whilst there were oafs who publicly raved and ranted at the server whose only crime was delivering hard to detect food that was undercooked by the kitchen. The better option is to quietly draw the server’s attention to the problem like a civilized human being and give him or her chance to address the issue without making an ass out of oneself in front of a whole dining room. If something is wrong with your food, politely ask your server to return it to the kitchen. When the server heads to the kitchen, you can bet that any bad attitude from a diner will get communicated to the chef. Who knows where that will lead? Maybe a replacement dish with who knows what else (that was not in the recipe), is in it?
Their kids' behavior is telling
Want to know what someone's really like? Watch their children on a flight. I’m not talking about babies crying or toddlers having meltdowns. That's just kids being kids. I'm talking about the eight-year-old who says please and thank you without prompting, versus the teenager who treats the cabin like their personal trash can. Children mirror what they see at home. When kids are respectful, clean up after themselves, and show consideration for others, it's because that's what they've been taught matters. When they act entitled and dismissive, well, they learned that somewhere too.
Nothing is further from the truth. Most kids are a product of their home environment. Look, I know kids are kids. But there’s a difference between normal kid energy and allowing your children to run wild through a restaurant while you ignore them. When kids are racing between tables or screaming at full volume while parents scroll their phones, it disturbs everyone—especially servers carrying hot dishes who have to avoid colliding with them.
Allowing children to be disrespectful to their server, to excessively ask for things and be impolite does send a signal that this is the way they are permitted to behave at home. Parents need to recognise that restaurants are shared public spaces. They need to teach their kids how to function in such spaces as part of raising them to navigate the world with awareness and respect. Unfortunately, most people don’t raise their children. The iPad and earphones do the parenting.
There are also a lot of good parents out there. I’ve seen children respect service staff, heard them say “yes please” and “Thank you”.
To be continued
Ilzaf Keefahs is a freelance writer who enjoys focusing on hospitality related matters that he is passionate about, and likes to share his views with hoteliers and customers alike.
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